Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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