Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When did we convert life to cartoon?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
