I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
