Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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