Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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