I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
