question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
