I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
