So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
