We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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