just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
