Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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