Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
