atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
