Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
