Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
