we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
