Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was confusing and full of hummus
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
