I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
