operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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