Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
whose parrot is this?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
