just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
