oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
