I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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