What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
