Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
