I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
