Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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