Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
