You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
