why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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