tell your sister to shave her snatch
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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