I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
