There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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