I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
