The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
