false alarm. still invincible.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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