kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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