Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
