Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
