Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
