Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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