dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
