I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
