She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
