I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
