matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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