besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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