You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
