Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
