You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
4 words: hood of his car
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
