oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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