Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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